These are my journal notes from last night, written in my notebook and being blogged today in the library…
Corners turned; bridges burned.
The corners of pages; bridges of ages.
To remind me where I am.
(Currently sitting in a waiting room, with Elliott and Sam).
Two more friends I’ve made
in this new life.
I miss the old one
and my wife.
My kids, fiance and girlfriend:
all blown out.
And my parents chucked me out.
Anyway, anyway, anyway…
One of the best parts of my day: sitting in the waiting room of Tonbridge Station (not sure what I’m waiting for) and writing.
I’ve dined: stir-fry mixed vegetables (although not actually stir-fried), mixed with cous cous: when you’re as good a chef as me, who needs a cooker?
I’ve put the books to one side and am reading this month’s New Scientist, which I’ve borrowed from this very library. Always wishing to be educated and a sponge for knowledge, I’m currently reading about Augmented Reality, virtual surgery, sending probes to Europa (Jupiter’s moon; one of them anyway), time travel, Pachyderm politics (on page 42) and what happens to the Human body when you give up booze: as you do but I’m not, yet.
I’m reading a lot in the time allotted to me: magazines, newspapers, books; writing too (as is evident). Finding it all mind-expanding to be honest, without the slightest need for drugs since they got stolen. Am I getting better?
Regarding the ongoing story I’m writing and the pictures I’m collecting from various contributors, I wish I had the means out here to upload them and I’m working on it. In the interim though, in addition to those I’ve mentioned previously, I now have a robot / scarecrow hybrid thing from Aaron, a cute ghost from Maddy and a London skyline from Eloise. All signed and going into the final book, which is going to be fucking surreal, given my cast of characters and my sets / venues drawn for me in my notepad.
I’ve gained more friends on the street and in my travels than I left behind, or who abandoned me. But still I’m happy. Since having my Fluoxetine (anti-depressant) lifted, I seem to be no longer depressed (so much) and I’m back to just bi-polar; The positive side of which is the manic, hyper episodes; ones which seem to persist at the moment. Both Stephen Fry and Sandy Toksvig partook in a documentary a few years back, in which they were asked if they had an “Off” button to switch off the manics but which would also turn off the depression, would they press it. Both answered no and neither would I. These conditions affect those of us who are gifted (or afflicted) with intelligence. My IQ is 152: go figure; I try to.
Back to the story and I now have Daniel the Dog to add to the cast: he’s been drawn by yet another new (special) friend, Lizzie. She’ll read this as I gave her the address.
Lizzie is amazing (I told her I’d say it but I mean it): My ex-fiance was stunning; my ex-girlfriend more so, in different ways. This goes well above though. I’ve been accused of punching above my weight with the ladies but this time I’d need a step ladder (not my real ladder). She talked to me, held my hand and kissed my cheek; she made me feel special (needs?) So I’m being all self-indulgent again? Did I charm her? I didn’t mean to. I’m just me.
Once the right one comes along, this little hobo will settle down. I thought they had before but apparently I can’t be tamed. Or not by those that have come before, as is evidenced by my unenviable track record. Maybe the next one…
An aside moment:
As well as the pictures I’ve most recently procured from my new friends, they’ve written comments in my notebook. Pictures will follow of the – err – pictures but for now, just the messages.
From Sam (from South Africa):
“I met a guy on the platform. He’s full of laughter. He is homeless. It’s nice to meet a guy like that. He’s nice, polite and not a drug addict: just a real person. Happy New Year Steve and good luck for the future. Sam”.
From Andreia (who drew me an elephant):
“Steve, I hope your book goes well. Wish you the best of luck. 🙂 xx Andreia”
From Jeremie (from France, and who drew me a shark):
“No expletive, no joke, no PM, Just Happy New Year. From a stranger to another stranger, who happened to meet in a waiting room”
So now I have a cat, an elephant and a shark to add to the other characters, landscapes and entities for my story: Victor Hugo and Leo Tolstoy, eat your hearts out.
Thanks also to Will for the bird, Jonathan for the worst roll-up ever, Jackie for The World (Is Your Oyster): they’re all going in (somewhere).
So my IQ: have I mentioned it? My six-foot super model of an ex-girlfriend (have I mentioned her?), my even more stunning ex-girlfriend (did I mention?); wife, kids, copper, life: did I mention? And the one true friend who held my hand last night: Lizzie (have I mentioned?). I want them all but my IQ: it’s an affliction. 152: have I mentioned? But I don’t want to hit the button.
I never ask for anything whilst Network Rail are kind enough to host me in their waiting room but tonight the kindness of strangers was apparent again when I got bought dinner: a chicken kebab with salad and chilli sauce: cheers guys. I wish I could remember your names but you’ll remember me. That was the first hot meal I’d had in two weeks.
And Lizzie texted: Happy doggy! I’m not saying I’ve pulled (I wish!), nor that I’m in but I know she’ll be reading this. So this is for you sweetie:
Lizzie; put another way, Elizabeth.
And yet another, with me: Lizzie Laker.
Goes together, see?
(Don’t we? Could we? Might we?)
But I’m mad, bad and dangerous to know.
It pains me to say
and if I were you, I’d stay away.
I’m no good for you.
I could fall for you (I almost have)
And you for me (you almost did)
But we have to let our heads rule.
I tend to let my heart and feet go first
I’m holding back.
I gamble (and the rest):
red or black?
But I know I need to hold back.
In the hope you choose
the right (or wrong) path,
maybe it will lead to me.
But I’m hopeless; homeless.
I can bath and change my clothes though,
you’ll see; hopefully.
Just in case it awaits,
my personal heaven;
“Big, brown puppy eyes” you say? “Gorgeous Staffie”?
Beware of the dog.