Im asked many questions (“What are you doing in my garden?”; “Where do you think you’re going with that?”) and one of the most common is why I maintain this blog and why it’s so frank?
I write the blog mainly for something to do; to exercise my creative writing and to keep a record of this process I’m going through. It keeps me busy and therefore out of trouble. I have no TV, DVD or AV equipment whilst I’m in transit: that’s all back at the flat, being looked after by the ex-fiance (the first one). So reading, writing and learning are my main pursuits.
Why is it so frank? Because I want people to know the truth (and it all is). Doubts have been expressed about me writing this for fear that my children will see it when they’re older (it is indelible after all): I think they should. I think they should be told now what’s going on but that’s perhaps a bit too much and down to their mum to decide. If they see this, hopefully they won’t follow the path I took. I’m hoping to be better long before they’re of an age when they might better understand and may even be proud of me for the recovery I made against a lot of adversity. At the moment, I’m not allowed to see my kids but they’re my main motivation on my path to recovery.
Also, the blog entries are too lengthy to be posted as updates on Facebook (my other lifeline) and I wouldn’t want to force myself on everyone anyway. As it stands, WordPress posts a link on Facebook every time I update the blog and it becomes opt-in for those who are interested.
My alcohol consumption is vastly reduced and my recovery will become easier upon my entry into night Shelter next week in Tunbridge Wells, returning to Tonbridge on pre-paid tickets next week to attend CRI meetings and continue my daily pursuits, therefore keeping me out of trouble. I don’t deny that there are still twists and turns on the path ahead.
I wrote something once which a song-writer friend used as lyrics: “From ‘Would smokers kindly occupy the rear seats’, to boarding a Jumbo jet and turning left”. Quite a few levels to that one and my friend thought so too.
I’m getting there and I will be able to turn left again one day.