Over to You

I do not mention these things in order to put myself in a sympathetic light. No-one has to feel sorry for me and no-one has to make excuses for the erros I committed in the aftermath of events past. I am a man, not an angel and if the grief that overtook me accasionally blurred my vision and led to certain lapses of conduct, that in no way should cast doubt on the truth of my story. Before anyone tries to discredit me by pointing to those stains on my record, I come forward of my own free will and openly pronounce my guilt to the world. These are treacherous times and I know how easily perceptions can be twisted by a single word spoken into the wrong ear. Impugn a man’s character and everything that man does is made to seem underhanded, suspect, fraught with double motives. In my own case, the flaws in question stemmed from pain, not malice; confusion, not cunning. I lost my way…

(Paul Auster)

Every day You Walk

09.02.14

(16.42)

Every day you walk with stronger step…

I spoke to Dan again (so glad we can get on as friends): she was watching Les Miserables and was upset, because it has that effect and because we used to watch it regularly together. She can’t watch it without thinking of me.

Empty charis and empty tables.

At the end of the day you’re another day older.

One more day.

I’d give pretty much anything for just a couple of hours with Dan, back at the flat we shared, watching Les Mis and crying in one another’s arms.

(We’re both dreading Thursday: our anniversary).

I’ve said a final farewell to my ex-girlfriend, who I thought I’d moved on from Dan with. Maybe the dust will settle eventually but for now I need as few distractions as possible, especially as I’m still having to deal with some persistant tormentors.

For the record, I was not responsible for almost destroying my ex-parents’ marriage of 47 years: for starters, most of the love in that relationship had drained away about 20 years ago; they just didn’t move on: not my fault and procrastination is obviously an inherited trait. But also, if anything, I brought them closer together by being the common foe.

And the knife: when I referred to on-board protection in a previous post, I was talking about my pen knife: a legal blade.

These people who hound me really are plastic police and defective detectives as they’re no good.

Have a six-word story:

Six months to live: happy now? 

La Folie.

“No noise accompanies my parting

No wasted moments for us

Waiting for an uncertain reunion

Because I’m mad; yes, it’s madness”

Hopefully I have a tonic to counter the poison tomorrow as I’ve tentatively arranged to meet Bec. She’s my good friend.

And it’s the nice people like Becca who keep me going, while I try to ignore the tormentors who impede my progress. They’re gone.

…You walk with longer step. The worst is over.” 

The Man in the Night Time

08.02.14

(17.42)

I’m in McDonald’s, having the free coffee denied me by the pigs yesterday, after that curious incident. I’m in my usual corner, writing (as usual). Phil – the manager – is cool with me and I pay my way (except when the coffee is free): mayo chicken burger tonight.

My boys are here (The Bush Gang) and my friend Courtenay has just left. Given that it’s Saturday, I may hook up with my friends Sonia and Georgia later, then I’m probably meeting my mate Becca on Monday, when she returns from a week away. I’ve missed my little mate.

I’m alright here: just a dog, on a journey.

I’ve also been reading: I’ve started Travels in the Scriptorium by Paul Auster. Typical of my favourite author, it is an engrossing read; a page-turner which pulls the reader in. Engrossing; enveloping: such is Auster’s style and skill. Stories within stories, within stories and yet writeen in such a way as to not be too challenging. They flow. Always thought-provoking but the reader doesn’t to keep re-reading parts of the story to keep up, or be reminded of the plot. The narrative is articulate and intelligent; accessible though. Auster’s writing has clarity. He dissects and analises the minutae; the tiniest details. It’s though the author himslef is speaking in one’s ear. Paul Auster is truly unique.

Travels in the Scriptorium is the seventh Paul Auster novel I’ve read. He’s written around a dozen in total, plus non-fiction, poetry, translations and screenplays. I’ve seen the films he wrote the latter for and they’re as engrossing as his books; making things which would otherwise be mundane or inconsequential, riveting. Works of a genius.

I aspire to be able to write like my literary hero, or as well as, or as prolifically.

Proliferation is not an issue: at the last count, I’ve written around 50’000 words in just under two months. 1000 words per day is a respectable output for a writer, so I’m not far off of being respectable.

I’ve been told by some of my writing peers that I do indeed write in a similar style to Auster sometimes: praise indeed. Certainly my writing sometimes flows like his does and I think of every word and the spaces in between when I’m writing. To achieve that to which I aspire will require practice but with practice comes perfection and with 50’000 words’ flying time and and Volume Three of the hand-written journal on the near horizon, I’m in practice.

Although I’m not far into Travels in the Scriptorium, I’m very familiar with Paul Auster’s style and I can already see parallels between myself and the protagonist. I’m just on page 20 of 130 but Mr Blank could be me; I could be Mr Blank…

“An old man sits in a room, with a single door and window, a bed, a desk and a chair. Each day he awakes with no memory, unsure of whether he is locked into the room…A middle-aged woman called Anna enters and talks of pills and treatment, but also of love and promises…”

At only 130 pages, Travels in the Scriptorium is a relatively slim Paul Auster volume but short books suit my attention span at the moment as I have so much else going on. I polished off The Man in the Picture (Susan Hill) in a couple of days and this should be equally quick work. Then it’s on to Adam Robots, by Adam Roberts: pick-up-put-down short sci-fi stories. Then The Curious Incident should arrive. Of the Dog in the Night Time.