I Guess That’s Why



I’m in the library, perusing this week’s New Scientist. It is of interest in its entirety (always) but a few articles of note:

  • Hunt for the Sea Unicorn (about Narwhals)
  • Bionic Limbs
  • Shape-shifting neutrinos
  • History comes alive with 3D printed bricks
  • How to fix a broken heart: chemical solutions for the lovesick. And a related article on the ethics of easing heartbreak
  • AI attraction: love in the time of robots


I’m in the 12-14 High Street branch of Gilbert House Publishing: McDonald’s.

The day has been divided by people I didn’t necessarily want to hear from but did, people I did want to hear from but didn’t and at least one peson I did want to hear from and did.

I’m being questioned, again. For the record, again:

I am not in this situation by choice but by circumstance. Circumstances of my own making perhaps but I don’t enjoy it, despite what some think. I’ve tried to make the best of what I have though. Yes, I procrastinate and I do sometimes have a tendency to bury my head in the sand when I suffer a set back but I wouldn’t wish this on anyone (actually, I would, so that they might learn a thing or two). I have hurdles and hoops still to overcome.

But something I do love about this life is the wonderful and generous people I’ve met. I shall remain in touch with many of them wherever I end up. And I shall never lose my best mate; my confidante; my protector: Blue.

The six-word story (Six months to live: happy now?):

Most people seem to get it but a few don’t and have decided to question me, thinking I’m being some sort of self-pitying martyr. I’m a writer (of the aspiring, practicing kind) and part of the art is to show, not tell; to allow the reader to read between the lines; to create alternative meanings and allow the reader to apply whichever but preferably more than one; make them think; suggest things. So the six months to live could be the time left in this life, could it not? The transitory one. Read, digest; think. Don’t be too quick to react.

Quite poignantly for Valentine’s day, I’ve not heard from any of the three exes: girlfriend, fiance, or wife. Not that I have any romantic thoughts but I have practical things which I need to speak to them all individually about. I’ve made contact but not heard back. I assume they’re all otherwise romantically involved tonight.

It’s been a tough couple of days with the anniversary yesterday as well and me missing relationships which have failed for various reasons. And then I’d arranged to meet Blue today but he was otherwise engaged in the event, so couldn’t make it. We have much to discuss. I miss my brother and my neice (Jazz, the dog).

And then a little ray of sunshine broke through the dark clouds in the fine form of my dear friend Becca. We’d not been in touch for a while, so this bolt from the blue was a pleasant surprise. We’re meeting next week and nothing will stand in our way this time after a couple of previous failed attempts.

I earned a quick tenner today (in about 20 minutes) by running a couple of errands. Most of it will go on practical necessities but I allowed myself a silly indulgence: I bought some children’s stickers (aliens, robots etc.) to embellish future letters to my kids. I also decorated my phone and individualised my new tobacco tin (the old one was stolen). The tins were available in green, red or blue: I chose blue.

And rolling papers: the blues.

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