Ad Meliora

28.03.14 (Day 96)


Ad-libbed this one too; unrehearsed, not in the hand-written journal and just typed up as things occur to me.

Because it’s been a busy day: I was at one of the churches in Tunbridge Wells today for soup kitchen and helped out in the actual kitchen. I spent some time in Manna Cafe, attached to Christchurch on the High Street and used their free wi-fi. Whilst there I found out that the ex-girlfriend seems to be doing well: I’m glad; pleased for her. You don’t need to be actual friends with someone to remain friends on Facebook and that’s how we remain. As far as I’m concerned, we also remain friends anyway but others have their objections so we don’t tend to talk. But her posts would indicate that she’s getting better. So maybe it was me holding her back: I’ll take that one. Sorry sweetie.

I’ve been in touch with my ex-fiancé and I’m due to visit at some point. With mixed emotions admittedly. I miss her intensely and all that we had together but I deserved what I got after what I did to her (sorry baby). It’ll be nice to see her (I want little more) but the memories – although pleasant – will be painful. But I will pay the visit.

The letter I’ve been writing for the last few days went off too, personally delivered by my helper. It will have been read by now so for those that hadn’t guessed, it was to my dad. The contents will remain between him and me (and my mum) but I did it: ten pages hand-written and that wasn’t even touching upon the smallest percentage of things I want to say to him (nice things). More hand-written letters will follow, to my dad and to others. Sorry for what I did but I’m doing better now.

As a result of various meetings and discussions by proxy undertaken on my behalf by others, things are falling into place and moving on, finally. I have work to do but what I’m doing and planning are moves in the right direction. Cryptic perhaps but I don’t wish to tempt fate by going into detail here.

Something else I found out today is that the people who wrecked Gilbert House have most likely moved on. Even though I’m hoping to move on myself soon as a result of the above-mentioned discussions, for now I need to remain at Gilbert House. Given that my house guests are unlikely to return though, I plan to reclaim it and restore it to its former “glory” over the weekend. I really do have my work cut out on that front but if I’m going to be there for another few weeks at least, I may as well make it reasonably fit for human habitation. There’ll be some financial outlay but I lent some money out last night (only a fiver) and once I get that with my applied interest back (tonight), I’ll have the means. I lent five pounds and am getting ten pounds back 24 hours later. What’s the APR on that? I’m good at this loan shark thing. With that and the commission I charge for running various errands, I do okay; thieving bastard that I am. But that’s business. That’s why I used to make such ridiculous margins on the print work I undertook: I’m a broker and middle men do work and have their place (in the middle).

There are various irons in the fire on the business front too. My mobile has been quite busy of late: both mobiles in fact. I’m doing deals, earning commission, loaning money, selling, trading, building a couple of things in the background and actually just getting there by picking myself and things up.

Towards better things. Ad Meliora.



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