Dough, Ray, Me…
13.12.14 (Day 356)
I don’t have much and I’d have much less still, were it not for the kindness and generosity of friends, especially my host family who’ve allowed me to stay with them for far longer than any of us expected I’d have to.
I don’t have much but I have a heart and a large part of it belongs to my hosts. Not just now but for the period I shall remain indebted to them. That’s for the rest of my life, for if it wasn’t for them, I may well be dead by now: they saved my life and I owe my life to them.
I don’t have money and no financial sum would be enough to thank these people for what they’ve done: what price a life? I do have a certain amount of skill in writing. If I could write music, I’d write a song and sign over the royalties but I can’t. So this is the most I can do: some notes from my heart; some notes to say thank you to Matt, Nettie and Meggie…
Dough: some cash; a stack of cash. What I cost you and something I have little of but you don’t take it. You just give, such is your nature.
Ray: a drop of light and warmth. Light at the end of the tunnel, which you’ve enabled me to see. The warmth and shelter you provide for me.
Me: a name I’m all about. And what you’re all about, as in me and not you. Some of the most selfless people it has been my pleasure to meet.
Far: a long long way to come, with you aiding my recovery.
So?: I used to ask in my head. What’s the point? To show you and others what I can do. To make you proud and not ashamed.
La: a French word to follow So. La Folie, mon amis.
Tea: a drink to clear my head. Or rather coffee, with Marmite on toast and the milk of human kindness. One of many meals you provide me with, as well as everything else.
Words do come easy to me but even I find it hard to express my gratitude to you, for mere words are not enough. I am indebted to you personally and financially. You are saints. You certainly have the patience of saints to endure my mood swings and the difficult animal which is me. But you do. You three – and the dog – are everything to me. There are few people I would say this of but I can say honestly that I would kill for each of you and die for you. I truly owe you my life; my salvation; my little personal army.
I’m not making myself comfortable and I want to be out of your way as soon as possible but the day I leave will be another day when my heart breaks. Words do indeed come easy to me but some I find hard to say because my heart has been broken too many times and I’ve put up barriers. But I trust you enough to be able to say these three words to you three:
I love you. From my healing heart.