NEWS | SATIRE
Britain’s Got Talent runner-up Susan Boyle has confirmed that she has been approached by president-elect Donald Trump to perform at his inauguration ceremony later this month, it has been said.
The hairy cornflake said she was initially asked to sing “I dreamed a dream” from Les Miserables, the song which catapulted her to fame on Britain’s Got Talent but she declined, saying, “Who the feck does he think he is? Martin Luther King?”
Asked how she came to be approached to perform for the new president, Boyle said, “I think he got me mixed up with someone else. Elaine Paige maybe? But feck it, I’ve got a new album coming out and this is a good excuse to plug it. I’m not proud.”
Asked to explain her choice of song, Boyle said: “I started telling his people about The Anti-Nowhere League and how they are Christian revolutionaries, which is a complete lie, so I thought Donald would appreciate it. I went on to explain how “So What!” is an anthem. You know? Donald’s done all this stuff but, so what! He’s going to be president! They didn’t even want to hear the lyrics, they were so convinced this would be the perfect, rousing song. Sold on a pack of lies, a bit like Brexit, and Trump himself.”
Boyle has a new record out in the Spring. “Bairns of the Revolution” is an album of covers and tributes to her favourite recording artists. Other tracks include The Angelic Upstarts’ “Last Night Another Soldier”, David Bowie’s “Saviour Machine”, and The Sex Pistols’ “Who Killed Bambi?” Of the latter, Boyle said, “I thought that was a nice one for Donald’s sons. I’ll give Donald a signed copy, then hopefully make enough money to build a nuclear bunker in my garden before the deluded cunt blows up the world.”
This newsdesk made every effort to contact the president-elect for comment but we couldn’t find the phone number.