Donald Trump has ordered all wind farms in the USA to cease production with immediate effect, to “reduce the devastating effects of hurricanes and tsunamis on America”. The president told the UN Climate Committee, “What they produce is just air, wind. That’s why they’re called wind farms. Because they make wind. They store it up, and they have to get rid of it somehow.”
In his later address to reporters, the president referred to his recent visit to the UK.
“I was in the UK recently and their government has cut almost all subsidies for renewable energy companies. Like me, they believe in oil and gas, the natural resources of our beautiful planet, which God provided so that humanity’s ingenuity would allow him to drive cars on the roads, fly planes, and power industry. And then I thought about the wind farms and how they collect wind. If we stop doing it, we’ll be more like the Brits and we’ll get fewer hurricanes, because the wind farms aren’t storing up the wind. The off-shore ones are the worst, because they make tsunamis. And here’s the amazing thing: There wasn’t a single hurricane or tsunami all the time I was in the UK. Maybe it was because I was there.” He added, “I also told Theresa Tory that Brexit was a great idea, like the NHS. Make America British again.”
Referring to a recent meeting with Elon Musk of Space X, Mr Trump explained why he may extend his ban on renewable energy to include solar power: “I was talking to Elon Spaceship about renewable energy, because it’s meant to be better than oil and gas, and I said if we want to collect more solar energy, we need to go to the sun. Elon Spaceship said we can’t send astronauts up there, and I said it’s fine, we’ll just send them up at night. But he said it couldn’t be done. And I agree. Because like the wind farms store wind, solar panels collect the sun’s energy. And where does all that stored solar energy go? To make global warming.”
The president then dropped his microphone. “I’m banning all renewable energy to avert a global catastrophe.”